I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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