Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
