sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
