I'm gonna have a badass scar
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
