Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
