Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
