we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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