NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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