and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
