If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
