i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
