I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
worst night to have a conscience
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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