Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
