This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
