Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
