There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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