don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
