The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
