Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
