I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
