Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
