I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
