man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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