Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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