That's when you crack a 10am beer
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
