we have pet lesbian snakes
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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