He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
