omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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