i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
