I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
