I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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