I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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