Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
That accounts for only three of the penises
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
