His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
