I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize