she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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