THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
