Your dad touched me again.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
