k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
