look no pants
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
