she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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