What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I need to calm my uterus...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
