You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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