So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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