Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
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