i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
