I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
