there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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