im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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