I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
